Holiday gatherings can be a great time for families to enjoy time together, but many family members may leave holiday celebrations frustrated, bitter, irritated or dreading any future family get-togethers. Learn how to evaluate past problems in order to choose creative solutions to help the next holiday to be a more pleasant and memorable occasion.
How to Plan for a Less Stressful Family Holiday
People who are hosting a family get-together for the holiday may find it helpful to plan carefully by looking at past problems. Involve family members in the planning process for future gatherings. Write a letter, call, or email family members asking for possible solutions to anticipated holiday problems.
Decide well in advance which type of gift-giving will be most beneficial and keep the others informed. If the holiday tradition in the family is to pout, gossip, or throw emotional or physical punches, perhaps trying something new could help.
Honest communication before the holiday may be helpful. Hurt feelings will often remain that way unless the parties find a resolution. A practical resource is Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas’s Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships [2006, Moody Publishers, 280 pages, ISBN: 9781881273578] Gary Chapman has also authored many other books focusing on conflict resolution in relationships.
Learn More About Family Members & Interests Before the Holiday
- Writers in the family may wish to compile a booklet that gives information about various family members.
- Shutterbugs in the family may put together old and new pictures of family members.
- Consider providing contact information so that members can touch base and start new relationships.
- A family holiday memory book may give insight to various memorable traditions of the past.
Plan a Date & Time That Causes the Least Amount of Holiday Stress
Ask for input and ideas to determine a date and time that works best for family members. Ideas for questions include:
- Would another date and/or time be more convenient? Provide a list of possibilities and let family members evaluate the pros and cons of each.
- Would a different location cause less stress?
- Should disposable dinnerware help decrease stress for those cleaning up?
- Which would work better – a rotating schedule or set schedule each year?
- Should the length of the get-together be shortened or perhaps lengthened for people to drop in?
Make Holiday Meal Planning Simpler
Coordination helps spread the time commitment and work burden among members. Questions to consider include:
- Who is willing to cook or bring items?
- Are there special dietary needs in the family?
- What menu works best?
- Would eating out help everyone’s stress level?
- What is a fair way to distribute cleaning before and after the meal?
- Should the focus be turned toward a group project to help a service organization instead?
Set Limits on Holiday Behavior
Be clear before the holiday regarding what behavior is expected. Offer appropriate help if needed. Make rest a priority before the big day. Be realistic in expectations. Some resources with practical tips on how to curb holiday stress and resulting dysfunction include:
- The American Psychiatric Association
- Anxiety Disorders Association of America
- Family Guide: Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free
Channel Energy During Holiday Get-Together
Some family members may be quieter and tend to talk one-on-one or need some time to themselves, and it is important to recognize and respect those needs. Planners may find it helpful to encourage physical activity for family members that have extra energy and extraverted personalities:
- Encourage a friendly game of football, horseshoes, ladderball, billiards, ping pong, or other sports for those who wish to go outside.
- Incorporate active ice breakers to learn more about family members.
- Suggest a walk around the block or other active movements.
- Involve family members in actively volunteering in a service project to help others.
- Provide marshmallow shooters, water guns, rolled up socks, or other types of friendly “weapons” for family members to get their frustrations out without hurting one another.
Finding the Humor in Holiday Family Time
The ability to put life into perspective and to laugh about it can help reduce stress and may lead to healthier ways in which to deal with life’s more difficult situations. Each person must choose his or her own attitude, and one positive attitude may encourage others to brighten their moods as well. Appropriate laughter may improve the atmosphere and make the family get-together more enjoyable for everyone. Ideas to incorporate more fun into the family gathering might include:
- Giving cheap gag gifts
- Making gift giving into a game like Secret Santa or Dirty Santa
- Playing fun games such as charades
- Watching a funny holiday-themed movie like The Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation
Surviving the Holidays Without a Family Fight
Not all strategies will work for all families, but by openly communicating during the planning stages, family members may take more ownership in how the time together will be spent. By learning more about each other, working together in planning, setting limits, and letting go of unrealistic expectations, the true spirit of the holidays may be more prevalent and encourage more peace during the holiday.
Readers may also enjoy:
- Common Causes of Dysfunction During Holidays
- Humor Has Healing Power After Amputation
- Halloween Memories – Mental Boost for Seniors
Sources:
- “Helping Children Cope with Holiday Stress: Tips for Parents and Families,” by Lydia Sermons-Ward and Jessica Mikulski, American Psychiatric Association, December 1, 2005.
- “Mental Illness: Coping with the Holidays” by Susan Gregg-Schroeder online article on MentalHealthMinistries.net.
- “Personality & Individual Differences” by James Neill, online article on wilderdom.com, April 2, 2007.
- “Stress, depression, and the holidays” by Mayo Clinic Staff, October 20, 2009.
- “Domestic Abuse – Getting Help” by Buddy T online article on About.com
Katrena Wells - Katrena Wells is a RN in NC with 17 1/2 years of experience in oncology, an educator since 1995, and has taught exercise classes since ...
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