According to an online CNN article dated December 14, 2009, a 98-year-old nursing home resident was indicted for the death of her 100-year-old roommate, who was apparently strangled.
Moving into a nursing home can be quite challenging and stressful for everyone involved. Many residents find themselves challenged by the thought of living with a roommate. Although murder is rare, some long-term care roommates may argue, lack respect, or feel overwhelmed by differences in culture and lifestyles.
Good communication skills and common respect can help to make a semi-private room assignment less stressful and may lead to a much better quality of life for both people.
Reminiscing May Help Nursing Home Roommates to Understand One Another
Whether the roommate has just moved in or the two have been living together for quite some time, it helps to share some information about one another’s backgrounds. Although staff cannot disclose information about other residents, two people who are living together may find it very helpful to talk about past experiences.
Open ended questions, rather than those requiring a yes/no answer might be helpful in assisting roommates to speak about aspects they would most like to share and can leave room for not disclosing information that might be too personal. Residents with dysphagia or speech difficulties may be able to communicate better with yes/no questions and the use of a communication board. Speaking with residents with dementia may be challenging, but they may still be able to speak of their past and may be able to focus on a conversation better during certain times of the day.
It may be easier to start the conversation by sharing some information first. Pictures and items brought from home may help to direct the conversation. Some examples of possible topics might include:
- childhood
- family
- career
- hobbies
- previous homes
- travels
- food preferences
- favorite music or other arts
- sports
- pets
Other topics might be seasonal. Several articles below have questions related to reminiscing that might be adapted to speaking with a roommate on topics such as:
- Mother’s Day
- Valentine’s Day
- Prom Memories
- Easter
Learning more about a person’s past may help others to understand when behaviors seem strange or out of character. For example, people express grief in various ways, and holidays and anniversary dates tend to be particularly difficult times. A veteran or a survivor of abuse with PTSD may have flashbacks.
Some roommates have been instrumental in getting necessary help for the other resident by getting help if the roommate is choking or has fallen or by noticing sleep disturbances such as sleep apnea, for example.
How to Avoid Common Arguments Between Nursing Home Roommates
Honest communication and respect can go a long way toward avoiding arguments and helping to resolve disagreements. Confidential information should be respected between roommates unless prohibited by law. Agreeing on a sign to indicate that one needs some space and time alone can be quite helpful. Including activities out of the room with other residents and/or family members can also help to establish other relationships and give the roommates a chance to interact with others.
The two roommates can also talk about and plan to re-address topics at set intervals. These topics might include:
- preferred schedules for personal hygiene
- preferences regarding noise level, temperature setting, TV shows, phone usage, etc.
- personal likes, dislikes, and quirks
- common storage areas
- feelings about animals and any allergies associated with them
- health issues that the roommate wishes to disclose
- what subjects are off limits
- the other person's description of a "perfect" and "perfectly awful" roommate
- how to approach the other person if something is not working well
Learning to Live with a Roommate in a Nursing Home
Many nursing home residents have developed close friendships with roommates. Many help one another and find a roommate to be comforting. Others may find having a roommate to be annoying, frustrating, or even dangerous. Being proactive may turn a challenging situation into one that is bearable, safer and might help to resolve conflicts. Even if roommates turn out not to be compatible and need another room assignment, mutual respect and good communication skills can help the transition to be a positive one with new skills learned before the next roommate arrives.
Katrena Wells - Katrena Wells is a RN in NC with 17 1/2 years of experience in oncology, an educator since 1995, and has taught exercise classes since ...
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